How do you feel about your grief?

Here’s the human experience. We all do it. We have a feeling. Then we have a feeling about that feeling.

“I feel angry. I shouldn’t feel angry. Why do I feel angry? What’s wrong with me?”

We judge the feeling or ourselves.

Grief research shows that being hard on ourselves, judging ourselves for our feelings, can actually make it harder to heal. Think “I shouldn’t feel this depressed. I’m crying too much. It’s not OK for me to feel this anxious.”

So what can we do about it?

Reducing the negative self-talk and self-judgement begins with just starting to be aware of it. Get curious about your feelings. Try to accept them for what they are.

Here’s a helpful practice from Pema Chodron that only takes one-and-a-half minutes.

Acknowledge the feeling, give it your full, compassionate, even welcoming attention, and even if it’s only for a few seconds, drop the storyline about the feeling. This allows you to have a direct experience of it, free of interpretation. Don’t fuel it with concepts or opinions about whether it’s good or bad. Just be present with the sensation. Where is it located in your body? Does it remain the same for very long? Does it shift and change?

Try to notice the next time you have a strong feeling. What do you say to yourself about that feeling? See if acknowledging it and being curious about it feels a little kinder to yourself.

Warmly,

Erin